Random Snippets of a Real Post

I haven't forgotten about blogging the Lies Homeschooling Moms believe. It's just that I see no way around that blogging event including lots of tears and tissues and being an incredibly lengthy post, so I am hiding from it. But here's a short snippet of what I would say, if I could say it without crying.

Some of the lies, like "Everyone else's house is cleaner than mine" I believe but also recognize that they probably aren't the most important thing. I know my house will never be as clean as (insert all the names of all my IRL friends here, and at least most of my internet imaginary ;-) friends) but I also know that, usually, my house is probably "clean enough" and that there are more important things. But then again, teaching my children HOW to keep a clean house is important to me, I consider it part of teaching responsibility, so not keeping a clean house IS important.

But the biggest lie (I keep typing "like" instead of lie) that I know I believe is "I'm failing my children." ... or maybe it was "I'm the only one" but I don't know if that part is important. His quick answer was "no, you're not, God knew the perfect parents for your child, etc, etc" but ... I don't know. I think there are Biblical examples, even, of parents who dropped the ball. Was it Eli who did okay by Samuel as a sort of foster son, but really bombed with his own children? I guess I should look all that up, but anyway this is just the random snippets post, not the real post.

He talked about not getting frustrated that your children are different, because God chooses what kind of "seed" they are and you can't try to turn a pumpkin into a sunflower, they will grow the way God made them. But ... when I've gardened, I've produced a lot of failing tomato plants (like last year's one green bug eaten tomato as the career max for my pathetic little plant) and I've also rotted a lot of seeds in their pots. And I guess that's how I often see myself as a parent. I might be functioning okay in some areas, but I'm afraid I'm leaving them to rot in poor soil in many important areas.

So there, i'll stop there before it gets deeper or makes me cry.

In other random snippets. Um ... I'm sure I had other things to say.

I'm taking the cat to the vet on Friday. I guess that's tomorrow, huh? I'm suspecting we'll have the weekend to say goodbye, and then take him back on Monday, but that's just my "I'm not a vet, but I play one in my head" expectations. Maybe they'll tell us he's not in any pain, and he can just die of old age here.

I'm still struggling to stay on track on the healthy eating. If it were disputable things that aren't on MY program, but other people think are healthy, that I was craving, I'd be okay with that. But it's really the junk that I want. And no one really advocates caving in to junk. Each day I think I've figured it out, I'll just eat the healthy cereal I like, whenever I don't feel well but should eat ... and then that won't sound good either. So ... I'm still struggling.

I did order some pregnancy strengthen-and-stretch videos. I have this crazy idea that I'll work hard and eat well and be lean and toned in 7+ more months. Oh well, just humor me on that.

Oh I remember the other thing I was going to post about. Only it isn't really light either, so I'll just skim over it and get back to it some other day.

I've been thinking about Joy.

You know how "love" can mean both a gooshy emotion and/or a choice in how to act? So it's possible to feel love, but it's also possible to have love but not feel it at the time? Like when your not quite 2 year old has colored all over the walls again, and how he's willing to enthusiastically help wash them with Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, and you're just pooped and not really feeling warm and gooshy about his earnest help.

So, for me, anyway, that's how joy is. I have the technical joy of knowing that God is in control and that I want my life to glorify Him, and that He will glorify Himself through a life given to Him. But I don't really FEEL that joy. I don't feel joyful about all the things I want to feel joyful about. I thought about it yesterday and realized that the *emotion* of happy happy joy joy is really missing from my repertoire right now. And you know, I don't mind living in the Truth, as much as I can (and it's not always easy, since I know I do tend to believe lies) ... but I'd really like to FEEL it.

So.

Oh, yeah, and Scribbit is having a writing contest, and I keep thinking about entering, only I can't think of anything to write about. I'm sure there's stuff there, in my head, but ... so far I haven't hit on anything that I've written or might write that would be any good. And then, kind of as an amusing-to-me side note, I read a few other bloggers who are considering taking their writing to a "more serious" level and you know, I just don't feel that drive. I used to want to be an author, but I don't really have any desire, right now, to take my writing more seriously. So maybe that's a hint that I should just not worry about the contest, or anything else. There are so many wonderful writers and bloggers out there. And that's good. But I think it also reminds me that, while I like to ramble, I probably am not cut out to be a writer. Maybe, even, I should get back to work on the housework and schooling and stuff. (And the would-be-maybe-writer in me notes that "stuff" is an exceedingly dumb word to use. But it also perfectly encapsulates my feelings towards all the stuff I need to do. And, as an even more useless side note, on the back roads we used to take to Lansing there was a house with a sign in the yard that said "Rocks and Old Stuf" - which we used to drive past and pronounce "Rocks and Old Stoooof" - so when I'm thinking about all the stuff I should be doing, it's not actually stuff, but Old Stoooof that I'm thinking of.)

How's that for some random bits of deeper thoughts?