bleah

well, we're back.

I tried to post when we were gone but had some weird problem logging in. Well, it claimed I didn't know my password, but I'm sure I had it right. Maybe it was a capitals issue.

we got back Thursday night.

I am very bleah today.

I did the Iowa Basic testing with my two oldest for the first time. A friend encouraged me to do it, saying it would encourage me. I should've known better. We got the test results in the mail on Monday, just before we got the phone call about The Grand Lunar's Father.

After receiving the results, I certainly don't feel any better. I feel like I stood us all against a measuring stick. They didn't do all that bad. The things that didn't seem great shouldn't have surprised me. And The Grand Lunar doesn't think the scores were too bad, nor does he think they're a measure of what's important.

But.

they sure knocked the fun out of me.

I was already down about some other things, before we got the results.

Have you read that pig book by Phil Vischer? Sidney & Norman, I guess it's called. I listened to my mom & sister read it to kids last weekend. It made me cry. Not to ruin the story, but the Sidney pig thinks he does everything wrong. When he meets God, Sidney is afraid God will yell at him for doing everything wrong. God tells him He loves him, three times. That's all God has to say to Sidney. It makes Sidney feel better.

The book made me cry because I know for a fact that God does love even losers like me and Sidney. But ... that doesn't make me feel any better. The book made me jealous of Sidney for feeling better, knowing that God loves him. What's my problem that it doesn't make me feel any better? I still feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I'm really dreading the school year. I don't know what I'm going to do or how I can possibly improve on things, not because they're going too well to improve but because I have little hope I can change for the better.

Plus? My kitchen is a mess.

And although children should really appreciate blueberry pancakes, they don't. I would've been better off making regular pancakes.

Maybe my blog peeps will enjoy the pancakes more than the kids did:

And hey ... if those don't make you happy, maybe these $7.44 slipper/sandals I bought at WalMart will. They're terrycloth. Very soft, verrrry squishy. They might not be as great as those shoes I can not own, but they'll make a cheap comfy happy foot.

I guess I better go clean that kitchen.