Not So Good On The Swish

I went to the dentist today. You'd have thought it was my first time or something, I was such a dental-doofus. We had a new hygienist, and she was very nice. But she'd squirt my teeth with water and I'd close my mouth to do the swishy thing and *glorp* I'd somehow spew water all over. Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. I lost count of how many times I spit - not dribbled - trying to close my mouth.

I'd think maybe she underestimated the volume of my mouth, but ha ha ha ha we all know that's impossible. I have a very big mouth. People have been telling me that for years.

So anyway, when you're sitting tipped back in a dental chair and you spit, it does not dribble neatly down onto the paper bib stylishly clipped around your neck. Rather, it splatters you in the face as if to say, "You really ought to know how to swish by now."

And then, when the dentist came in to poke and prod at my teeth, he said, "How are you today?" just after she filled my mouth with water. Did I wait to reply? Oh no. I politely responded, "glllrrrlrrgg" and spit more gurgled water around the room. And quite possibly nearly drowned, I'm not sure, I was too embarrassed to notice.

I'm sure next time they'll make me wear an extra big bib with "DentalN00b" emblazoned across it.