The First Day Of Grill

We have successfully completed The First Day Of Grill of the season. Although the children informed me that the neighbors beat us by a day. Fortunately, I did not know until they informed me of this that I was racing the neighbors, so I was not upset.

I have no pictures of the First Day Of Grill. I didn't think of that until later. You'll have to imagine.

Once, last year, I bought a box of frozen pre-formed "beef" patties to grill. Everyone ate them the way cats chew things - you know that open mouth suspicious kind of chew where some of it might just fall back out? 'Cause it turns out "beef" patties aren't. If they don't say 100% beef, they're not. They're soy patties that have had a cow walk past. And shredded newspaper, I'm pretty sure that was on the label, too. They were gross. I wanted to throw them out, but my mom thought that was wasteful so she took the rest home and I guess they must've choked them down, chewing like cats, and trying to pretend they weren't awful. But they were awful.

So that was LAST year and, trust me, I learned my lesson.

Do you think it's cheating to buy the pre-formed burger patties? Did you know they sell them in the frozen section in giant boxes, and you just pop them on the grill? Okay, I suppose it's not cheaper, but hey, it's soooooo easy and they come out perfect unless you flip them badly and they fall between the bars of the grill and onto the coals. But that was last year, too. I'm learning. Getting better all the time.

Maybe you don't remember, but last summer was The Year I Learned To Grill. Because my family likes the idea of grilled animal flesh in the summer, yet getting the grill ready and standing over it and getting a head full of smoke does not appeal to anyone. So I decided I would take on that role.

This year is a year to build on last year's success. I will learn how to better clean and care for the grill, how to drag it across the lawn to the Pit of Yecchhh without the back leg coming off and dumping the ash-tray on my shoe, and how to grill things I've never grilled before.

But here's the amazing part about today. As you may recall, I am not currently an eater of animal flesh. For health reasons. I won't pretend it didn't look and smell realllly good, nor that I don't miss it at all. But I can live without it most of the time for the benefits in health and healthy weight. But I digress. I bought myself some vegan grilling patties. With much fear and trepidation. Because I've done that before and hated them. HATED! They were almost as bad as the "beef" patties. Not quite. The "beef" patties were that bad. But I was feeling adventuresome and so I tried again with the vegan burger thingies.

I got the Morningstar Farms Grillers' Vegan Patties and noticed after I'd bought them that there were no grilling instructions. Apparently you are not supposed to actually grill "Grillers' Vegan" patties. This did not bother me. I am not a rule follower, which of course you all know. So I just plopped them on the grill next to the sizzling grease splattering beef. You see I am not a purist.

The surprising part is that they were good! They were not great - i.e. they did not taste like a greasy hot burger. But! On a whole wheat bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, and a little horseradish mustard, they did have that smoky "something grilled is in here" flavor and no weird soy taste. Perhaps it was the fine spray of smoky burger grease splattered on my vegan meal, but I really felt like I was participating in the family grilling night. I hardly knew it was faux. AND I didn't feel all fat and greasy afterwards.

So there you have it, the shocking news. I would do it again. That's how not bad they were. And, if you knew my soy aversion, you would know that's pretty high praise.

What should I grill next?
I would like to try pork chops this summer, and will have to do ribs again, and I'd really like to learn how to grill good steaks, but I'm afraid I'll ruin them.

I'd also like to pick up some good veggie-and-side dishes -- with no added oils! -- to grill, but then again on a little Weber charcoal grill there's not a lot of room for a large family's meatsy meat plus a vegetarian's meal's worth of veggies. So maybe I'll stick with the non-grilled sides.

And thus endth The First Day Of Grill.