There's a runner in there somewhere

So did I tell you I've been driving around town, looking at Autumn leaves on the sidewalk, and wanting to be running. I've been frustrated with my hip. But more than that, I'm realizing I really want to run -- more than I expected. I don't even feel like I ever really *became* a runner (whatever that means! Apparently something to me!) but yet I really really want to become - to be - a runner.

My hip has been feeling nearly better.

I've been wanting to give it another careful try.

Today when The Grand Lunar left for work he looked at the 50 degree drizzle and said, "It's a great day. Not." -- and I said, "It looks like a great day for running." He looked at me like I was crazy. And maybe I am. But the crisp, damp air and the autumn colors called to me.

So today I went out for a test run-walk. I did random intervals. Took it back to a walk when my hip or gait felt too off.

The good news is that I did a mile around the block. I wanted to do more. I wanted to do fewer intervals, and I wanted to go farther. To just keep running and thinking until I was too tired to do any more. But I did my best to make myself slow down, take walking intervals, and stop at once around.

I was surprised that I wanted to push myself. I've never been a push-myself kind of person. Surprised at how strongly the desire to keep running was within me. Surprised that a "not-yet-runner" could be so excited about running again.

But now that I'm home the little niggling ache I felt while running, the little slightly-off gait I sensed, is translating into the same pain and limp as before. And I'm discouraged. I'm trying to think what to do. I have this book and haven't really put my all into the alignment. I should do that. I believe the book too much to think special shoes are the answer. I don't want to accommodate my dysfunction, I want to align it so it's no longer dysfunctional. Strengthen the right muscles. The book promises it can work that way.

But what else beyond that?

I could visit my doctor. Maybe get referred to someone who does sports injury stuff. But ... that doesn't really feel like the right route to go. Endless trips to different doctors who are all not really sure. I could go to a chiropractor. We know a nice one. I drove behind his car yesterday. But, again, that's endless visits and I'm not sure it's what I need. I don't know. I'm pondering surfing for running coaches. Someone who could look at what I'm doing and suggest what's good and bad about it. Although I am guessing, still, it's the underlying alignment and muscles having grown content to do the wrong thing that's the issue behind any motion errors I'm making.

Here are some things I decided while trying to run today:

1.) I really want to run
2.) I want to use my running time to think / pray / meditate on things of God and Faith. To use that time to draw near to Him.
3.) I want to use my running time as a positive example to my family, to be active in my life and pro-active about my health
4.) to let that pro-activity about my health encourage me back on the healthy eating thing

I don't really think I need to be *fast* and I don't expect it ever to be *easy* but I want it to be *fluid* and to feel *natural* to run. Not awkward. But I'm not sure how to get my short, stocky self to that place: fluid and natural.

If running isn't what God has for me, then I pray He directs me to something else that I can enjoy and be content with. I know I could be a walker, just fine, but ... it turns out, after a taste of running ... I really want to run.

So now I just need to figure out how to get back to being able to.